The Newest Testament

Fictional re-write of John 19:19

Pilate hired a handsome carpenter to engrave the sign that was hung above The Son of Man’s head when they killed Him on the cross.

The well toned woodworker was more of an artist with his craft than a typical carpenter who earns a living building simple furniture.

The thin framed man who mastered his ability to turn lumber into art carved “JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS.” in Latin, Greek and Hebrew on a piece of wood cut from an olive tree.

His penmanship carved on lines of time marking the olive tree’s age was clear and concise and grammatically perfect.

He darkened his carved letters with hot coals from a fire.

His work looked as true and perfect as the Ten Commandments carved on stone.

Pilate took a day off and headed to his version of Camp David to watch the popular craftsman at work on the commissioned project.

The wood worker sat in the morning sun with sweat pouring down his slender body and used a hammer and chisel to reflect his comprehension and love of three languages.

The carpenter created the world’s first billboard.

Fictional re-write of John 19:20

The literate masses passing along the busy streets of the great city, no matter what their language, could read the sign as He died between two dudes.

Fictional re-write of John 19:21

The flamboyantly gay and highly skeptical Chief of all the High Priests looked at the sign in disgust and demanded to Pilate, “Do not write, “‘The King of the Jews’ but ‘I Am King of the Jews’”, while bending his wrist like a fag.

Pilate turned to the handsome man who he paid well as a carpenter and loved much The carpenter put his hands on his hips, turned to Pilate and shook his head to indicate that he would do no more carving.

Fictional re-write of John 19:22

Pilate answered, “What I have written, I have written.”