The Resurrection

I was his beloved. He called me ‘Beloved’.

I was an orphan when I met him on my thirteenth birthday. He gazed at me standing along the roadside as a beggar. I threw the two loaves of bread I had collected for the day at his feet.

I was the first to know he was the one. When he saw me and ask me to follow, he simply looked into my eyes and I followed him.

He spoke to me as if in prayer– with his mind-- and I heard every word he thought towards me. He didn’t have to summon fish into nets to get me to believe he was the one. I knew it in an instant.

I learned so much about love as I watched how he performed miracles to gain the faith of his chosen twelve.

When the followers started to multiply, he kept me close at his side. “You have the faith of a mustard seed, my beloved– it is you who knows me for who I am and what is to come, and for this, you will have your reward,” he said while kissing me on my mouth at supper.

I laid my head on his thigh while they ate.

We all have our weakness– mine was envy– I wanted to be his only one.

He told me to go outside and wait for him when he went into a house to bring his friend back to life. I went inside anyway– he knew I was there, and I watched as he brought forth the one who was by his side before I came along.

I fell hard to the ground when I watched the dead man open his eyes for I knew he loved Jesus like I love Jesus.

His mother and the beautiful woman Mary woke me while pouring water from a vessel onto my lips. “Mother, behold your sons,” he said.

They came after all of us after they killed him. They knew who we were very well. We cured the sick, gave sight to the blind and cast out demons in his name– we may have very well been him in their eyes.

I escaped into the forest of olives trees and spent my nights there until everything calmed down. Mary and Martha wanted me to come stay with them, but I told them My Lord had need of me. I knew I could survive and outwit them if left alone.

Even in my sleep I sense those who move near me and hear the dreams of others. I can hear the thoughts of others long before their footsteps – as long as I sleep alone.

I was warned in a dream, that I must take what the Lord had hidden in me and run to the wilderness.

The Earth continued to suffer tremors for days after the burial.

My dreams were violent. I stood in a desert, forsaken by all, and screamed my beloved’s name with all my might.

It seemed to me that the earthquakes were the result of my anger.

I was too frightened to return to the city and watched Jerusalem burn from the hillside. I sat alone, hungry and missed him terribly.

He came to me at night and spoke to me regarding the things that must come to pass. He awoke me from my dreams by calling me by my name, ‘Beloved’. I saw him clearly in my dreams. His black hair was thrown down over his face like a thick veil and he cried my name with his soul. I went to him in his cry of death and delivered back to him those things he had asked me to hold for him.

I wasn’t surprised to see him standing before me under a limb of a tree with moon light shining upon his face. I didn’t have to touch the wounds to know it was him returning from the dead. I was relived he had awoken from that place in my dream.

“The fields are ripe for harvest but the laborers are few, go now and do the first acts,” he asked of me before he walked away into the wilderness.

I took the linen cloth that was wrapped around his body which I found in his empty tomb and kept it near me as I slept in the wilderness. The fragrant oils from his body had mingled with the smell of his blood and flesh. I felt close to him when I laid my head on the linen while sleeping in the wooded land.

I met the angels he promised to send to me the day I went to his tomb and found the cloth that had fallen from his body– the one I used for a pillow.

The angels were more beautiful than I had imagined. They tied my hands and feet with the cloth used to wrap his tortured body and reached within me to untie what had been bound.

I felt him there with the angels during the ceremony-- that’s why I wasn’t afraid.

I left angels in the tomb and returned to the Mount of Olives awaiting his return.

He no longer came to me in my dreams and something had gone horribly wrong.

I tied the linen cloth around my waist and marched off to the great city.


My feet were bleeding by the time I reached the Fortress of Antonia on the outskirts of the great city. I stumbled several times upon rocks which covered the hillside on the eastern side of Jerusalem.

I was with the Master on the day when he, like the angel, healed those who were wading in the Bethesda pool. I prayed the waters from the spring would help to alleviate my burning feet and tired, bruised legs.

I slowly walked into the water among a group of lepers who were not frightened by my ragged appearance. The blood stained linen cloth wrapped around my waist came off in the pool. I reached down to secure it to me but it disappeared into the murky waters.

The group of lepers cried out and spoke in tongues as their diseased skin pealed from their backs like the skin of a serpent which sheds after a fresh layer of scales has grown beneath.

They looked at me as if I were the angel who had stirred the waters and made them well. I left the pool naked and sat in the sun to dry.

All my energy was gone and I thought perhaps it was my turn to die. “It is finished,” I said while awaiting my ascension to the kingdom.

When I opened my eyes I saw that the bathers from the Bethesda pool had removed their garments, were healed, and were lying next to me nude, on the grassy embankment.

I looked into the distance and noticed the Mount of Olives, the place that I had called my home while running from the authorities, was ablaze, and another earthquake rocked the City of God.

I walked with no clothing into the temple and those from the pool followed me there.

There were at least forty men and women—bathers from the Bethesda Pool who were cured of their ailments the moment I stepped into the water.

They followed close behind as I boldly walked through the gates of the temple naked.

My followers were acting like a group of drunkards and continued to feed from my aura as I made my way inside the walls of the city to the confront the Pharisees and ensure the temple was destroyed, just as my Beloved had predicted.

“What more do you want from me?” I asked my followers in anger. “It is not I who cured you, but your faith that has made you well. Do not follow me unless you are prepared to drink from the cup from which I have quenched my thirst,” I warned.

I then understood why My Lord ran and hid in the wilderness so often. The burden of the unfaithful is great and after performing miracles it is not wise to hang around too long, or they will drink all the light that is within a man.

They did not listen and the mob of naked bathers created quite a scene inside the walls of the great city, not knowing what to do with the spirit that had cured them.

It is typical for one who has tasted the power of the Holy Spirit to confuse the love with temptations of the flesh and I prayed for them.

Crowds of Jews were already confused and frightened as fires burned everywhere inside the temple and our parade of newly healed individuals stopped almost everyone in their tracks as we marched right into their midst.

“The Pharisees are like a dog that sleeps in a stable with cattle; the dog does not eat, nor does the bitch allow the cattle to eat -- and all are miserable,” I shouted to my followers as we gazed upon the blood stained slab of marble which was used for performing sacrifices.

A Gentile who was cured of blindness in the pool ran to me to thank me for granting him his sight. As one who had spent his life seeing with his hands, he reached out and ran his hands over my naked body. It felt for a moment like I was back in the arms of my Beloved. “The kingdom of the father is spread out upon the earth, and men do not see it”, I said to the blind man who had received his sight. “Your faith has made you see, now follow me and you will see far greater things,” I suggested.


The blood stained alter glowed in the afternoon sun.

I turned to my followers and told them to go to it and offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the miracles that had made them whole.

The Pharisees watched as my flock claimed what so many had placed all their sins upon.

Those who were healed through my dip in the Bethesda pool encircled the alter with no clothing and cried out in ancient languages of early man while singing in perfect unison.

I grew weary as the crowds grew larger watching my flock flog the traditions of the elders.

The earth trembled again as two men stood alone on the red stained marble and became one.

The Pharisees were too shocked to do anything to stop what was happening within walls of the den of thieves.

The city was silenced and the heavens opened up and a dove descended upon the two men who had performed the first acts of the resurrection– I felt honored to have been of his service on his day of coming out of the Belly of the Whale.

The Pharisees also began to sing and joined the perfect harmony of the nude opera with the best fasciata they could squeeze from their soul.

They dropped their robes adorned with stones carried from the ancient land of Egypt and forgot momentarily, those things that hold them down.

I wanted badly to let myself fall into the spirit and join the crowds in the celebration of His great second coming.

Beloved returned three days after they killed him, just like he promised us he would.

His twelve scattered like the original tribes of Israel, each taking a little piece of his bread and wine– ready to feed the world.

Perhaps Mary and I didn’t push our agendas hard enough as our understanding of the messiah's teaching were radically different than the ten male disciples.

I missed Mary more than the other ten. It seemed to me the two of us understood what distinguishes the flesh from the spirit as we were both his Beloved. The others were special in their own ways but we were the ones he knew.

We watched the horrible scene together-- the murder of Jesus.

We cried in each other’s arms.I wept and let go of Mary’s warm embrace. I wanted to be his only one and knew by touching her that she had known him too.

If there is one woman in the universe who I can share a husband with, it’s Mary Madeleine, but I wanted to be the Lord's only love and I envied her.

The dance on and around the temple continued.

I grew very weak and thought I had died.

The spirit suddenly left everyone and I felt my body loosen as it was filled.

They all stood alone, naked in their shame and cried out to me for an answer.

"No longer is bloodshed necessary to please the ego of God. All he asks of you is that you love your enemy as yourself."

I picked up a bright white robe lying on the ground, wrapped it around my naked body, snapped my fingers and sha-shayed out of the gates of Jerusalem praying I wouldn’t bump into Mary.

I knew what she wanted from me.